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[⋆Ravɛn]

D R E S N A

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*

It's not the end that I fear
with each breath
It's life that scares me to death

The feeling of sand caught between the crevices of her paws drove Dresna's agitation to new levels. Why anyone would ever enjoy walking on the beach eluded her. The sun was high and hot in the sky, and the sand even hotter. Had she been ignorant to the changing of the seasons, she easily would have believed that it was summer.

As it was, she had never visited the beach, and couldn't understand how anyone was crazy about it. Scorched paw pads and blistering heat; who needed it? But that was before she saw the ocean.

When it appeared, right over a dune where the sand flattened out, she stood still for a long time. The waves were small and pretty where sand was swallowed by water, large and fierce further out. The sun glistened off of the surface, a blue that almost matched her eyes. Where it grew shallow, she could nearly see the sand beneath, pebbled with shells and odd rocks. Slowly, she crept forward.

The sand grew damp beneath her paws, more closely packed and easier to tread on. Dresna ventured so far as to let her toes touch the water before she stopped. It had been a long time since she had ventured away from home again. She had used to do it frequently, sneaking away when she was stressed or scared. But things had gotten harder after the fire. Everything was more serious now, and she could no longer claim that she was a pup. She could only wander away on quiet days like this one.

Sighing softly, she sat at the edge of the water, kneading the sand with her toes. She felt so restless lately, so eager to get out and explore. She had been trying to watch her parents, to learn from them, but she needed a break. She needed time to wander off, to be herself.

So much was different still. While both of her parents had returned safely, she had heard nothing of her siblings, and nothing of a few choice pack members that she had grown up with. The thought of where they might have gone, and what they might have suffered, unnerved her. Sometimes it was hard to stand and look at Irrsin, or to run her patrols. Would anything ever be quite the same?

Shaking her head, Dresna growled softly. I came here to relax, but all I'm doing is thinking more. She gnashed her teeth once, before lunging forward into the water. It was chilly, making her shake herself and prance backwards until the waves only reached the tops of her paws. The fur from her belly downwards dripped with cold, salty water, and sand had been tossed up onto her legs. She was panting, her blue eyes squinting in the sun. And for the first time in a while, she wasn't concerned with her troubles.

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MARZELL

Heat. Blistering heat. As Marzell moved steadily down the beach side, he watched the horizon, his mind buzzing discontentedly. Where was he going, exactly? Not right at the moment--he wasn't lost in that sense of the word--but in life. Where did he see his lone alpha-ship going? Azrael was no where to be found, and life with Jato was lonely at best. Being an alpha--a real, full time leader, was tough. He certainly hadn't anticipated that aspect of heading a land. His mother and father had made it look so effortless! How had they done it?

His mother and father. Kasimira and Tortuga. The male visibly slumped at the thought of his parents. It had been just over two months since he'd seen them. In the beginning, his idea of a runaway life had been superb; there were no rules, no nagging parents, no responsibilities. But now, after living on his own with no one to help him with prey or keep warm at night, his view point had changed. He missed the comfort and security of a pack. He missed hunting with his pack-mates. Most of all, he missed Adelina.

Adelina. What had happened to his sister after the fire? She'd been right next to him, keeping pace stride for stride for so long... He couldn't follow his thoughts to where they were heading. Too many nights he'd spent awake in guilt of her death. There was no way she could have survived the flames and debilitating smoke. After coming to accept (or rather acknowledge) his sister's death, Marzell had lost all drive to return to Irrsin. In a way, the fire had finished off what ties he had to his birth pack, and Marzell had left the land just after the blaze had finally ceased to breathe. He didn't want anything to do with his family without Adelina. Especially not Dresna, the first born heir that she was.

And then he saw her. Speak of the devil. On the edge of the water's lapping, Dresna stood in all of her white fur, which was thick and shedding from winter's release. Marzell almost couldn't believe his eyes. In a rush, he sprinted to reach her side, coming up to her side panting.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

It took a second before he saw how desperate he looked; flustered, wide-eyed, and alone. Alone. In front of Dresna, the sibling he had always felt the need to impress, Marzell's inner flame boiled uncomfortably. He spat out the closest insult to prove otherwise about his condition.

"Does mommy know?"

And as soon as he said it, he regretted it. Marzell didn't move to apologize though, his heart thumping wildly over Dresna's mere presence and her uncanny resemblance to Adelina in stature. Well this is an interesting turn of events. As the two stood there, Marzell made sure he stood tall, his gaze unwavering. He'd show her what kind of an alpha he would have made for Irrsin.

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[⋆Ravɛn]

D R E S N A

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*

It's not the end that I fear
with each breath
It's life that scares me to death

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Dresna had been so caught up in the sight of the sun shining on the water and the feeling of sand between her toes that she jumped, deftly dancing backwards as her hackles rose along her spine. A moment later she might have sprung, but like lightning the voice registered in her mind, and the memories that came with it had her blinking in surprise. Marzell had grown since she had last seen him, it seemed, now standing a few inches taller than she did. For a short moment joy pounded through her veins, joy that he was not dead, and she opened her mouth to speak when his harsh words pierced her.

"Does mommy know?"

His insult stung like a wasp, and in the blink of an eye, Dresna closed her heart firmly. Drawing herself up taller, she blinked her blue eyes at him, hoping that they were as cold as his words had made her feel.

"She doesn't, actually." Her words were clipped and formal, as if she was speaking to a stranger and not her own flesh and blood. She knew her parents would have frowned to see them now, if they could see the rift that stretched between them. But it has always been like this with Marzell. He had been closer with Adelina that he had ever been with her. In a way, she felt that Marzell had always resented her for being born first. But it wasn't like she had asked for this. It wasn't like she wanted it. The unfairness of it all bubbled up inside of her, threatening to erupt like a volcano, but she could not bring herself to let it. She clamped her teeth shut firmly, turning away so he would not see the look in her eyes, one part fury and two parts despair.

Somehow, as she stood looking at the ocean now, it had lost it's glamour. Despite the feelings churning inside of her, the manners and etiquette that her parents had taught her did not escape her. Without looking at him still, she aimed a question in his general direction.

"And where have you been?"

She did not say any of the things that she wanted to. She did not tell him how she had missed him, or how she had worried day and night that he and Adelina would never return. Unable to contain herself, she asked, "Have you seen Adelina?"

With baited breath she waited, wondering how he would react. The question had been stupid, so incredibly stupid. She knew how close they had been, and the question had all the potential of sparking a flare of rage in Marzell, but she could not help it. Despite everything, despite all that had happened, she still needed to know.

She still cared.

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MARZELL

"She doesn't, actually."

Dresna's words hardly registered. It was very unlike his sister to be so hopeless in her wanderings. Besides that, Kasimira had always been a mother to keep a tight eye on her children. They had made their adventures, sure, but the black she-wolf had always been there to intercede before things got out of paw. So after all of that, why had Dresna not told their mother where she was going? She did still live in the pack, right? She has to, I remember seeing her with mother and father before I left. Still, the pieces didn't add up and Marzell was left feeling rather slighted.

"And where have you been?"

The question wasn't by any means unexpected, and Marzell raised his head to look at Dresna head on. Here was the moment he'd been waiting for. Here was the opportunity to show her what he had become in the short time frame of the post-fire action. Here was his one, blatant chance to flaunt what he had accomplished--what he alone had accomplished and she had not. Puffing out his chest and pulling himself into a posture strangely reminiscent of his black-coated mother, Marzell arrogantly began to share his conquest.

"Well, now that you ask, I've--"

"Have you seen Adelina?"

Her voice was overtly anxious, if not uncontrollably so, but it wasn't so much the tone that made Dresna's brother make a sharp intake of air; it was the mere question itself. He couldn't comprehend the combination of words, the air of question that lingered between them. It was all too obvious that she had seen less of Adelina since the fire's first outbreak than he had. Where could she have gone? A small part of the male wanted to cry out in distress and overwhelming grief at the final realization. At the last second, however, he remembered his sister's presence and he held the saddening notes inside.

Why had she asked him anyways? She knew that if Adelina was alive, she would be by his side and him at hers. She was his best friend for Iudex's sake! She would know that well enough, shown by the dynamics they shared as a trio. Dresna had always been the outcast as pups, always mommy's favorite. Adelina, on the other paw, had gotten in just as much trouble as her brother (if not more), which in Marzell's eyes, ranked them as equals. They were trouble apart, but even more so together.

And after all of that, to be separated without a last word... Marzell couldn't handle it. How dare she ask that of him, when she already knew the answer! The rage boiled uncomfortably inside the male as he let the silence grow. He needed a good response. Something to catch her off guard. The blue eyes flickered slightly before responding, the color menacing and deliberate.

"You already know the answer. And you know that she would be with me if I had. Next time, when you ask something that personal, at least try and act like you care."

The flames were growing, their breadth threatening to pour over and inflict some sort of agony on Dresna. She needed to feel the venom that ripped through his veins.

"We are family, after all..."

The young male's voice was dripping with sarcasm as he turned from Dresna. He angrily gripped the ground, tugging and pulling his black claws through the grit of the sand. And then, Marzell whipped around, teeth bared and a large snarl echoing through his chest. In a single bound he lept at his sister, paws extended as he pushed her down. He roughly aimed to hold her down by constant pressure on her neck, growling in a much more adult voice than he'd ever used before. She'd think twice before bringing up Adelina's name like that again.

Everything was a rush as the blue eyes glittered furiously, and Marzell grew more frustrated with his sister's struggling.

"Don't you ever mention her name again. Ever. You were never one of us anyways."

And with that, the male removed himself from Dresna's neck and moved a few paces back. The fur on his neck was on end, and his eyes were narrowed and cold. Detached. He had half a mind to leave then, to turn away and forget his sister ever existed, but he waited for her response, maybe an apology. Hmph.

It was all too clear that their relationship would never be worth much.

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[⋆Ravɛn]

D R E S N A

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*

Reading my eyes will say it
in many ways
Losing my pride will save it
in many days

”You already know the answer. And you know she would be with me if I had. Next time, when you ask something that personal, at least try and act like you care. We are family, after all.”

The pure fury in Marzell’s voice was so startling that for a moment, Dresna froze. And then, in the blink of an eye, he was on top of her, holding her with a strength that was almost savage. For a moment she squirmed, snapped angrily at his face as indignation ran hot through her veins. The thought of retaliation nearly drove her to struggle harder, until Marzell’s words sliced through her like a knife.

”Don’t you ever mention her name again. Ever. You were never one of us anyways.”

The weight of Marzell’s body lifted, but the one on her heart did not. She did not move immediately; instead, she lay on her side, still as a corpse as she stared out at the now-sideways sea. What would happen if I left? If I just ran away? How far could I get before mother knew I wasn’t coming back? Then Marzell would become the heir of Irrsin, just like he had always wanted. But she was a coward. She knew she would never run.

Pain seared her heart as she finally rolled to her feet, uncharacteristically uncaring about the sand that clung to her snowy pelt. Composure was difficult to achieve now, and she knew her eyes must have been luminous with pain and longing and hatred. Hatred for this situation that she was in, hatred for her duties, hatred for even herself. Turpa, why did you push me from the womb first? Did you not see how badly Marzell wished to be in my place? And surely he would have done a better job than I am doing now.

”She was my sister, too,” she suddenly whispered. She didn’t care that Marzell was watching her composure deteriorate right in front of him. None of that mattered now. ”I may not have been as close to her as you were, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t care.”

Her throat closed up tight against the rest of her words, halting her. She felt as if something was cracking inside of her, threatening to break free if she stayed around him any longer. She felt trapped, like she was a quivering hare standing before a bear instead of a future alphess before her brother. She took a step away from him, barely able to keep herself from bolting. Somehow, she remembered her courtesies. They seemed so useless now, but old habits died hard. Glancing quickly in Marzell’s direction, she took another step away.

”Mother misses you,” she admitted, lifting her gaze to meet his. ”As does father. I believe he misses having a son, truthfully. Things aren’t the same as they used to be, and I’m not trying to order you around…but…they’d like to hear from you. To know you’re alive.”

Every muscle in her body told her to leave then, to run, to fly like a bird. It took everything in her to wait for his response. If he said something hateful again, she was not sure she would be able to hold herself together.

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MARZELL

”She was my sister, too. I may not have been as close to her as you were, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t care.”

The words were painfully drawn out, and something deep inside Marzell squirmed uncomfortably. However much he was utterly frustrated with Dresna, it completely unnerved him to see her so vulnerable and upset over the matter. Isn't this what I wanted? For the first time that day, Marzell felt torn between his own needs and the crumbling facade of his sister.

”Mother misses you, as does father. I believe he misses having a son, truthfully. Things aren’t the same as they used to be, and I’m not trying to order you around…but…they’d like to hear from you. To know you’re alive.”

At first, indignation roared inside the male. How could she ask him to come back like that? She didn't know the countless nights he'd spent wandering on his own, trying to find a place to call his own. He'd abandoned all he ever had and had learned to survive on his own. It wasn't an Irrsin-bound lifestyle, and it wasn't ruled by courtesies and prude formalities. It was free. He was free.

Then again, the free-roamer life wasn't all it was made out to be either. Being on his own meant, well, being alone. All day, everyday. Sure, he had Jato and the occasional passer-by to keep his days filled with some ounce of interaction. But compared to the fast paced life he'd spend in Irrsin's soft meadows, this life was the loneliest thing the black wolf had ever experienced. There were days he missed the pack life, with all of its flaws and interruptions. Sometimes he just wanted to curl up next to his litter mates and sleep at night, pretend that when he woke up Zy would be there tormenting Calliope and Tortuga would be chatting up about the possible deer tracks with Kyren... That life seemed so far gone. I couldn't do that even if I wanted to. Adelina isn't here.

Everything, everything came back to her. Why couldn't he just accept what had happened? Marzell, his eyes flickering with the memory of the Irrsin pack, watched his sister as he considered what to do. He had three options. He could visit Irrsin and see the old pack and leave after. He could visit Irrsin and stay, leave his freior life. Or he could do nothing and forget he'd ever run into his sister. At first consideration, none of them really appealed to the young male. His mother and father would be both furious and heartbroken; affronted that he'd run away from his duties because of a sibling rivalry, and grief-stricken that he'd lost Adelina in the fire. It wasn't the anger he was afraid of. Marzell simply wasn't sure he could truly deal with the sadness his parents would experience because of him.

Exhausted and with a slight fire simmering in his stomach over the whole matter, Marzell angrily snapped out a few excuses.

"Dresna, you can't honestly expect me to return home. I don't need to see Irrsin to know what's going on. I hear the rumors. Besides, I can't just leave my pack."

That should shut her up for a second. Marzell's ego was back, still valiantly protecting the second born's downcast heart. If the male was being truthful, Jato couldn't even come close to being considered a 'pack'. And secondly, the sklavin-turned-freior did perfectly fine in Marzell's multiple absences. Regardless of what he'd said however, Dresna's brother didn't make a move to leave. He had to hear what she thought of that.

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